I Am Myself and You
by LadyZotalot
Summary: I am the clone of Superman created as a product of Project Kr. My first steps were in an attack on the heroes who would one day become my best friends. At first, they called me what they saw: a young and female Superman, the Supergirl. Genderbent!YJ


I am the clone of Superman created as a product of Project Kr. My first steps were in an attack on the heroes who would one day become my best friends. At first, they called me what they saw: a young and female Superman, the Supergirl.

I do not need Superman. He doesn't want me and I don't care.

Supergirl's first sighting beside the Man of Steel is at the rescue of a school bus on a bridge. He doesn't like the way I land when I super-jump. He doesn't like how "inappropriate" my tube top is. He doesn't stay long because he doesn't like me.

My teammates like me...they like Supergirl. They say I am a hero and that the world will recognize that one day even if _he_ doesn't.

Apollo is our newest teammate. He likes me a little too much. I tell him to keep his hands off or I'll scorch his brain into nonexistence. He laughs it off, but I can hear the uncertainty of his raging heartbeat.

Kid Flash tells me her name is Waverly West; she doesn't care about secrets. She trusts me and our group. Waverly talks too much and, mostly, she talks about boys. Sometimes, I wish she would shut up. She never stops hitting on K'gann even though she knows it embarrasses him.

K'gann is a bad a cooking. He tried to make me some cherry pie before my soccer try outs because Wendy the Werewolf Hunter killed at least two dozen werecats in the episode where there was a bake off at Brighthill High. K'gann does nice things for me. He's kind that way.

Robin says K'gann was trying to be more than helpful. She thinks K'gann likes me. I'm not sure why. I was rude to him when we first met because he talked to me in my mind the same way those genomorphs did. I really hate monkeys.

Kaldori helps me calm down whenever I blow a fuse (which happens all too frequently). Kal is a good leader. He has _everyone's_ back, even Ruby's, and she's not on the team.

Ruby and I haven't talked much but she did tell me if I ever need to blow some steam off about "terrible irresponsible asses who can't even man up and be real fathers" that she'd be there to listen.

Robin is a good listener. You can bounce your thoughts off of her and she'll nudge you along to your answer without butting in. Apollo never lets me come to my own conclusions the way Robin does. In fact, I think I'm a good listener too thanks to Robin...But, I think, sometimes, I listen in on conversations I shouldn't.

That's how I know Superman refused to come talk to me last week after he promised Batman he would...it's how I know Robin's real name is Mickey (short for Michelle)...it's how I know Mickey and Waverly are sometimes doing inappropriate things in the ship hanger when no one else is around...and it's how I know K'gann asked Apollo if he she thinks I like him.

I am Supergirl. I have a place to belong because I am part of this team. I fight. I do my share. I have to try harder. I am not doing enough. Black Canary smiles when I progress in my control and Batman grunts when I deduce something correctly. Superman doesn't meet my eyes.

I am Supergirl and I teamed up with Red Arrow yesterday. We were trying to capture Cheshire. Cheshire is an assassin with an odd mask; he flirts too much with Red Arrow as we fight. He reminds me of Apollo. Ruby explained the story of the Cheshire cat to me after he got away.

I had to report on where I ran off to when I returned to the Cave. I explained my failure on my team-up with Ruby to Batman. That day, I wished I could fade away like the Cheshire cat, but I couldn't because I am Supergirl and Supergirl is not _that_ super...

* * *

><p>Now, I have another name. I am Constance Kent in honor of the late hero Kent Nelson. I am my own person.<p>

I am a sophomore at Midtown High. My team won the first soccer game of the year. My boyfriend was there to cheer me on. Keagan stopped me when I almost attacked my teammates, Marla and Mallory, for pouring Gatorade all over my head.

K'gann explained that he'd seen this on a TV show before; it means that Mal and Marla are my friends and are happy we won. I am happy _we_ won. I am happy _I_ won. All I need to succeed is my teammates, my friends...

K'gann carried my soccer equipment to my bike for me. I usually don't let him do that sort of thing, but he blushed when he asked if he could...I couldn't say no. I am happy someone cares about me.

Waverly suspects something is going on between me and K'gann. K'gann doesn't want Waverly to find out because it would hurt her feelings. I can't tell him that Waverly doesn't really care about who K'gann dates since Waverly is with Mickey because I'm not supposed to know that...being a high school kid is complicated.

I am Constance Kent and I wish my friends Marla, Peter, Mallory, and Darren would stop wearing the S-crest all the time. Some days, when I see it...I break my pencil and one end flicks off and hits Mr. Carr in the head. He really likes me. He says I'm his favorite student. But he sends me to the principal office anyways.

I am Constance Kent and I've been suspended from Midtown High School for the next three days because I...destroyed the boy's locker room...with my heat vision. The Principal thinks it was a science experiment; Keagan convinced them of that...because he looks out for me. He's a really great guy.

* * *

><p>I am nobody. I can't be Constance without going to school...it's not the same. I can't be Supergirl because Supergirl is about <em>him<em>. I don't want to be seen as his...distaff counterpart. I want to be my own person. I want to be...me, but who am I?

On the second day of my suspension from Midtown, Kaldori orders me to get out of the Cave and cheer myself up. K'gann wants to see some stupid superhero movie so I take him.

We make it into a group thing; well, really, Waverly makes it into a group thing by inviting himself along. Mickey joins in wherever Waverly goes and Kaldori comes to supervises us because she knows Waverly will eat the whole theater out without her mothering. Kal also forces Apollo to tag along because she doesn't like him being left alone ever since RT turned on us...

We all shuffle into our seats. The movie's about this god named Thor who is banished to Earth by his father, Odin, for his rage and lack of control. Thor saves the whole universe from his brother Loki's anger. Loki turned evil because Odin never really treated him like his son. Odin only pretended to offer him his inheritance; he never truly gave him an equal chance as Thor.

Somewhere in the middle of the movie, before Loki is evil and before Thor hooks up with the hot scientist, Ruby barges in and sits on Kaldori's lap. She steals Apollo's popcorn and chews loudly. When I ask why she's here, she tells me she's come to have _that_ talk.

After the movie ends, Ruby draws me aside. We walk down to the park nearby the cinema and toss pebbles into the pond at its heart.

"Connie?" she asks.

I skip a rock. "I'm ready to listen...if I have too..."

Ruby sighs. "I heard about you suspension from school-"

"Who hasn't?" I interrupt.

"Superman." She's blunt; she's always blunt.

I'm surprised by her words. "He...he doesn't know? How?"

The redhead leans against a willow tree close to the waters' edge. "He didn't ask...so no one told him."

"Oh," I say.

"Why are you so angry in class?" Ruby asks.

"I…wasn't angry…I mean…I get pissed sometimes by all the people who idolize Superman…but…that wasn't way they punished me...this time…"

"It has been before?"

"Sometimes I break things when I see the S insignia," I admit.

Ruby cocks her head to the side. "You wear that on your Supergirl costume though."

"…it's mine." I don't know how to explain myself.

"Superman doesn't think of it that way," Ruby pointed out.

"That's what makes me angry…I guess…" I skip another rock. "My friends wear his insignia because they like him and want to be like him…I want to be like him. I _am_ like him, but he doesn't care. He still doesn't think I belong."

"I wonder if it's because you're a girl," Ruby whispers, "maybe you bring out his insecurities about his sexuality?"

I roll my eyes at Ruby's joke. "Yeah, and maybe Lex Luther only hates Big Blue because of their bad break-up." I sit beside her by the willow tree. "Can we just get this over with, Red?"

Ruby leans further into the bark of the tree trunk. She closes her eyes and lets her breathing slow. Once I mimic her relaxed state, she speaks. "You have a right to his life…he didn't ask for you-"

I cringe, but let her continue.

"But you're here nonetheless. You have his history constantly shadowing you; the whole world expects you to be as powerful and heroic and wise as him even though you're half his age. And then they expect you to be a role model for young girls; did you see that Sixteen article about your outfit? They basically called you a whore…stupid drive-by media trash-"

"Ruby! Get to the point."

"Huh? Oh…right." She shrugs again. "I just mean that you're following in his footsteps so he owes you respect for that. Plus, you _are_ his…genetically. He's always calling himself the Last Son of Krypton. Well, you're the Last Daughter of Krypton then." She shakes her head. "Has he ever offered you any history of your people? Has he ever explained your powers to you? Has he even told you what the S stands for?"

"S for Superman," I guess.

"No," Ruby grabs a stick and draws in the sand, "this is the symbol for the House of El. That's _your_ family right there in one little letter…it's all the politicians and scientist and healers and inventors and artists who you are related to and live to honor. It's your heritage, Connie. You are another hero in a great line of heroes. That's you. You're…Kawn Kal-El."

"Kawn Kal-El," I let the name roll off my tongue.

Ruby nods and her head starches against the tree. She pauses and looks up to it. "You know, in Thor's world, there's a magic tree that connects all of reality?" she mentions.

"Yggdrasil," I name it. My brain is full of data like this. I know Norse myths, math equations, war stats; basically everything but the histories of Krypton.

"When Loki tried to cut off the land of Jotunheim from Yggdrasil, he was messing with nature. You can't force out part of reality. It's there…you have to deal with it. Who cuts off their arm because they don't like a freckle on it?"

"I…don't think I'm following you, Red. I wasn't trying want to dismember myself…my heat vision just came in and I didn't kno-"

"We're all connected for better and worse. We share the bond of living on this world, of wanting to protect it, of wanting to learn more about it and each other."

"You mean…I'm Yggdrasil and so is Superman. Superman can't get rid of me…it would be like ripping off his own arm," I say slowly.

"Yup," Ruby smirks, "Don't I have an awesome way with metaphors?"

"…You suck at this."

Ruby snorts. She pulls off her jacket and starts climbing the willow tree.

I watch her reach a high branch and finally sit. I yell up to her, "Yggdrasil is just ripping off _The Lion King_…you know "we are one" and all of that…"

"Cadmus told you about Disney movies," she scoffs.

"No, K'gann and me saw it in 3D in theaters."

"Oh…"

"I get what you're saying though, Ruby, even if you're shit at the metaphors…" I wait for Ruby to laugh before I continue. "I am not just Project Kr or Supergirl or Connie Kent or Kawn Kal-El or any other label. I am Yggdrasil. I have a right to exist. I have a right to protect my world just like Superman does. I should be respected. I am my heritage. I am a clone. I am a protector and a student and a teammate and whatever else I want to be."

"You're preaching to the choir, Constance."

I sigh. "I can talk to you just fine, Red. Superman, not so much."

"You've got to try."

"I…I know. I will."

* * *

><p>I flag down Superman after a battle with Ultra Humanite. He wants to leave; his arm aches to pull taunt and shoot into the air.<p>

"I am me," I tell him.

He blinks. "I…don't have time for this, Supergirl."

"That's not my name."

"Uh, Connie?"

"That's only part of me."

He drops his arm and folds it across his chest. He looks like a blockade. He looks strong…he's almost threatening. "Stop playing games, Supergirl."

"I should be told of my heritage," I order as I match his combative stance, "I got suspended because I didn't know what to do with my heat vision."

He furrows his brow. "You're no on the Team?"

I shake my head. "Not the Team, _school_. I got suspended from school."

"I can't believe Batman didn't tell me. You could have killed someone…your identity could have been jeopardized…you—"

"I know. That's why I'm not ignoring you the way you're ignoring me," I say. I quickly continue talking because I can tell Superman wants to make excuses for himself and his absences. "I am myself," I add. "I don't depend on you for everything…I don't have to be like you when I don't want to, but I recognize the standards the world puts on me as…part of your legacy. I want to help others and I care about this world. That's why I need you to help me control my powers…"

"Black Canary—"

"Isn't a Kryptonian. I need your help, Superman…because I want to embrace my birthright. I am a Kryptonian. I want to use my powers to protect, not destroy. I can only live up to the expectations I have for myself if I…I am part of your family. I share your pain. I never knew Krypton. I have no one to teach me what being Kryptonian means. I can only guess…I need you, Kal-El because I am Kawn Kal-El."

"Supergirl, I can understand that these new powers are hard for you, but that doesn't mean this is the same thing; you're a clone, it's not—"

"Like I have a father who gave me up before he had a real chance to know me? Like the species I am a part of is gone without me ever knowing them? Like I'm an outsider on any planet, even the one I claim as home?" My breathing hitches. "I never wanted to _replace_ you. That's what Cadmus made me for but, honestly, I am not Supergirl. I am not you with a little change…I am a different person!" I hold back my tears with the last bit of my strength. My voice is rough as I speak. "We are still similar though. We are still both Kryptonian. We are family. We are brother and sister in arms. We want the same things. I am part of this world and your life whether you want me or not. I am Yggdrasil. You cannot cut off your own arm and...and…" I start choking on my words despite myself.

Superman stands back stupefied. He doesn't know what to do. Eventually, he takes of his cape and wraps it around me.

I use the tip to blow my nose.

"I…I can try," he says at last. "I can tell you what I know about Krypton Superg-uh, Krypton...girl. Kryptongirl. I can help you learn about you powers. I know how to help do that…I can try."

For now, I am Kryptongirl. Superman and I discuss Krypton together. He helps me with my powers. He doesn't truly let me into his life, but as Kryptongirl, he understands what I need. He knows I need guidance about my powers and answers about the past world I should have belonged to. He accepts this part of me.

One day, I hope he accepts all of me. I hope he realizes we are both Yggdrasil. For now, I am just happy he's no longer trying to cut off his own arm.

I am surrounded by a handful Kandorian children in the bottled city.

One little girl traces the S on my belt. "El," she reads.

I shuffle her into my lap and, with her in my arms, I climb to the top of a tree. "I am myself and I am you," I whisper as a sink into the bark of the tallest branch.

Somewhere, in the distance, I think Superman hears me. He's a good listener just like me.


End file.
